A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible....
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
That's what wine does...
Never mind.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
What A Real Man Does
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Dark Side of Women
This little funny is courtesy of my mother. (And I'm posting this because I'm on the verge of finishing my sooper seekrit project and need all the hours I can get today!)
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day by finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be
her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple
more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the
rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a
beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was
jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the woman doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband's condition. The doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went
ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you!? I hope you're proud
of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying
yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive
Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it
will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the
rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now
be your career!"
The woman, overcome with guilt, broke down and sobbed.
The woman doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just messing with you. He's
dead. Show me what you bought."
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday Nonsense
It's Monday. I'm still recovering from RT. And I need to write. So you get this:
(....as well as the idiosyncrasies of the English language)
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. If A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE AN 'S' IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
Monday, February 02, 2009
If Women Were In Charge...
In a perfect world, all things would be equal...But then men are jealous that this is all we need to accomplish small tasks:
Have a great Monday! I'm off to write. What are you doing?
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
True Marketing Errors
Below are some funny examples of what happens when advertising translations miss the mark. Enjoy!
Friday, June 01, 2007
Friday Funnies
Check this out: http://www.transmogrifier.org/ch/comics/94/03/05.gif I tried posting it, but it's too big and it screws up my blog. Don't you think today is a good day to laugh? Calvin and Hobbes rules!
On another happy note, I've lost three pounds! I'm seriously getting on the diet and exercise thing as Nationals are fast approaching and I have a dress to fit into.