Thursday, May 22, 2008

Slice of My Life

Scene: Walmart

Characters: Me, my parents, my brother (on phone)

Action: My cell rings, it's my brother calling to wish me happy birthday.

Me: Hey.
Bro: Hey. Happy birthday.
Me: Thanks, man. What's up?
*My father: Where's the fried chicken?*
*My mother: You don't need fried chicken.*
*My father: Don't worry about what I need, woman.*
Bro: Is that mom and dad?
Me: Who else? Dad needs fried chicken apparently. What have you been doing?
Bro: Working my butt off. So, you're 37 now?
Me: 38
Bro: 38? You can't be 38. I'm 34.
*My father: Is this the right chicken?*
*My mother: That's 8 pieces. You can't eat all that.*
*My father puts chicken in cart.*
Me: You're 35.
Bro: No I'm not.
Me to my mother: How old is Matthew?
Mom: 35
Me to my brother: See? Dude, you're old.
Bro: I'm pretty sure I'm 34.
Me: Fine. We'll go with that. I'm sure the woman who gave birth to you has no clue how long ago the event occured.
Bro: Whatever. What did you do today?
Me: We watched a snapping turtle eat a dead raccoon.
Bro: Cool. Did you get pics?
Me: No.
Bro: You suck.
Me: Thanks.
*My father: Ooo...doughnuts!*
Bro: Yeah, well, happy birthday.


  1. How do you survive without massive amounts of booze?

  2. OOh - donuts!
    aaaagggghhhgagagagaaaaaaa doooonutsss....

  3. Omg, thanks for the laugh today! I needed it :)

  4. OMG! You're family sounds hysterical! Hope you had a wonderful day yesterday!! Lots of xoxoxo,

  5. Did you get the doughnuts? PUBLIX doughnuts? The kind with the white frosting and maybe even sprinkles on top? YUMMMMMM.....

  6. So funny. Love that!

  7. LOL
    Your parents are so funny!
    And your brother too.

  8. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KRISTEN! (From a fellow Taurean.)

    And the conversation was hilarious. Thanks for sharing!