Part Three of Literary Liposuction is all about Dialogue Tags and Being Distinct.
DIALOGUE TAGS
Dialogue tags are fine, but I prefer action tags. Say more with less. How? Like this:
“Shut up,” Jane yelled. She scowled at the man she’d once loved.
“Make me,” Bob retorted, his face coloring like a boiling lobster.
Versus:
“Shut up.” Jane scowled at the man she’d once loved.
“Make me.” Bob’s face colored like a boiling lobster.
Do you miss anything by not having the dialogue tags? Just some words. That’s tight writing!
BE DISTINCT
Don’t just say a color, describe it. Don’t say car, tell me what make. If there’s a better, more descriptive word, use it.
Bob drove his red truck to Jane’s house.
OR
Bob drove his burgundy F150 to Jane’s double-wide.
Just by changing a few words, we've already got a clearer picture of this scene.Next up...Wordiness, Repetition and Passive/Active Verbs, plus the wrap up.
Totally OT here, but Happy Thanksgiving, Kitteh!
ReplyDeleteHa, you've hit another one of my failings - or at least one I had when I first started this thing. Now I know enough to edit the unnecessary ones out. Can't wait to see your next installment.
ReplyDeleteHappy Thanksgiving, Kristen. I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend. =o)
I am a HUGE fan of action beats instead of dialogue tags, too.
ReplyDeleteHappy Turkey day! Have some pumpkin pie for me. :)
Or,
ReplyDelete"Bob drove his burgundy F150 full of methamphetamine to Jane’s double-wide immediately after posting bail."
fabulous- can't wait to read tomorrows!
ReplyDeleteReal good mini lesson, I'm still doing the nano but revising an old MS too. I have a problem with wordiness.
ReplyDeleteJanice~