Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Tell Me A Joke

I'm serious. Tell me your best joke. Make me laugh. (You'll understand the need for this if you're also doing revisions.)


  1. I don't know a joke off hand, but I have a phrase that always cracks me up when artfully applied:

    "They're so damn dumb their ears rub together."

  2. This is to all the blondes out there:

    A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

    The woman replies "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, and 210 pounds. I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder.

    The woman sitting next to me is also blonde, 6'2", and weighs 220 pounds. She's an ex-professional wrestler.

    Next to her is yet another blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 pounds, and she's a professional kick boxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?

    The guy thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

  3. The perfect dress

    Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would
    be the best dressed Mother-of-the-bride ever!
    A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her
    father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
    Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day. A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return! the other! dress?
    You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"

  4. lol I do understand why you need the joke and if you hadn't asked I could have thought of so many but now nothing is coming to me lol

  5. I am brain dead. Can't think of a single joke. But I am so delerious, I'll laugh anyway!

  6. Anonymous10:47 AM

    I have no jokes, but I'm sending you good vibes for your revisions!

  7. I thought of about three or four jokes, but they're all dirty.
    I, too, am in revisions. *heavy sigh*
    The only thing I can suggest is the weird (but funny) stuff on Well, some of it's funny. It's distracting anyway.

  8. A picky toy poodle couldn't decide which dog to have as a boyfriend, the rottweiler, the black lab or the chihuahua. Finally she told them, "The one who comes up with the best sentence containing the words 'liver' and 'cheese' will be mine."

    The Rottweiler said, "If you touch mah gurl, Ah'll shred your liver like cheese."

    "Oh, no, no, no, too violent, too possessive. Go away," the poodle said.

    The lab said, between pants, "I like liver. I like cheese."

    "Oh no. Too obvious. Too stupid. And that's two sentences. Go away," the poodle said.

    The chihuaha thought for a minute and said, "Leever alone, cheese mine."

    It's better with the voices.

  9. LOL - okay, Becca wins! I love that one. Totally my kinda humor.

  10. A YOUNG LADY was dating two men—a dairy farmer and a poet. She had trouble deciding if she should marry for butter or for verse.

    HAVE YOU heard about the farmer who came up with an idea for a new crop? His plan is to cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover. He figures he’ll have a rash of good luck.

    You know you’re growing older when:

    • Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

    • The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

    • You feel like the morning after the night before, but you haven’t been anywhere.

    • Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

    • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

    • You sit in a rocking chair, but can’t get it going.

    • Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

    • Your back goes out more than you do.

    • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

    • The only whistles you get are from your hearing aids.

  11. Here's a good joke. I was told to rewrite--not just revise. And so I am.

    And my heroine's voice is completely different, which is throwing me for a loop.

    Good Luck!