Friday, October 13, 2006

Tell Me A Joke

I had to put my eldest cat, Laura, to sleep yesterday morning due to her kidney disease. It was a long, rough day. Anyone who ever got a chance to "meet" her, knows what a sweet, loveable creature she was. She had a loud purr that was unmistakable. Many people thought she sounded like a dove.

I'd appreciate a good joke or a link to a funny site...anything that would put a smile on my face is welcome.

Rest in peace, baby girl.


  1. SOOOOO sorry to hear about the kitty. Here's a very lame joke but it made me smile. :)

    How To Avoid The Flu Shot

    Eat right!

    Make sure you get your daily dose of
    fruits and veggies.

    Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

    Get plenty of exercise because
    exercise helps build your immune system.

    Walk for at least an hour a day,

    go for a swim,

    take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

    Wash your hands often.
    If you can't wash them,
    keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

    Get lots of fresh air.
    Open doors & windows whenever possible.

    Try to eliminate as much stress
    from your life as you can.

    Get plenty of rest.


    Take the doctor's approach.
    Think about it...
    When you go for a shot,
    what do they do first?
    They Clean your arm with alcohol...
    Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

    I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
    I put lime in my Corona ...(fruit)
    Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
    Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
    Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
    Then pass out. (rest)
    The way I see it...

    If you keep your alcohol levels up,
    flu germs can't get you!

    My grandmother always said,
    "A shot in the glass
    is better than one in the ass!"

  2. Anonymous11:55 AM


    I went looking for sites and here's one with a large collection of jokes: Funny Jokes.

  3. I'm so sorry about your kitty, Kristen! I had to put my 14 yo "baby" to sleep 3 days after we got back from Atlanta. It was horrible, so I feel your pain.

    But, in an effort to make you smile...I'll give you a joke, and let you know that your copy of VENUS ENVY is winging it's way to you! :-)

    So Gandhi always walked around with no shoes on so he had really rough feet.
    He is also renowned for his hunger strikes that made him very skinny.
    He was also a very spiritual man.
    But due to his poor diet he had very bad breath.
    So what does that make Gandhi?
    A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

  4. Here's a few blonde jokes for you:

    How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday??
    Tell them a joke on Wednesday!!

    Why do blondes like lightning?
    They think someone is taking their picture.

    Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
    From eating with forks.

    Why do blondes drive BMWs?
    Because they can spell it.

    Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
    Toes go in first.

    Why do blondes wear their hair up?
    To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

    Why don't blondes double recipes?
    The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

    Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
    They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

    Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
    Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

    How did the blonde burn her nose?
    Bobbing for french fries.

    What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
    Frosted Flakes.

    And if none of that cheers you up, you can always have have Fabio read you a poem.

  5. {{{{HUGS}}}}

    She looks like my Napoleon.

    Here's a joke about the differences between men and women.

    1. NAMES

    If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
    each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

    If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each
    other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


    When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,
    even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
    and none will actually admit they want change back.

    When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    3. MONEY

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.


    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
    bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
    would not be able to identify most of these items.


    A woman has the last word in any argument.

    Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.


    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
    answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    7. FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    8. SUCCESS

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

  6. You know, of course, that I am broken-hearted over your loss. Laura was the sweetest, most loving soul I've ever met. She was Purr-fect.
    Here's my silly little joke for you:

    Never Argue with a Woman

    One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and reads her book.
    Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
    "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
    "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
    "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
    "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
    "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
    "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
    "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
    "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

    MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

  7. Aw, so sorry. I went through this with my three housecats a few years ago. Diagnosed with feline leukemia.

  8. Kristen~

    No jokes, but found a website that might make you laugh:

  9. Anonymous12:43 PM

    So sorry to hear about the death of your pussycat. My beloved cat, Boy, had to be put to sleep a few weeks ago too, so I know how painful the loss is.